How do we "speak the truth in love"?

Someone recently asked the question, "How do we speak the truth in love?" I decided to formulate an answer, incomplete as it may be. Here is how I responded:

You have certainly stepped into a territory that EVERY CHRISTIAN, regardless of their denominational affiliation, or their particular personal struggle will wrestle with: Speaking the truth in love.

The Apostle Paul exhorted the Ephesian Christians to "speak the truth in love" with the desired result being that believers would "grow up" in Christ...that the 1) Body of Christ would be edified, 2) the work of ministry would be accomplished, and 3) thatChrist would be glorified(Ephesians 4: 11-16). Those are no small goals, by any stretch of the imagination.

The Apostle James also gives quite a discourse on the power of words (James 3), and how the way we use our tongues can either bless or curse...but shouldn't be doing both.

Truth is sometimes hard to swallow. I know that in my own personal life, there have been times when I've been confronted with TRUTH, and I didn't like it--not one bit.

It's all a matter of whom the messenger of that truth was at the time.

The Gospel of Matthew does give us a formula for taking offenses to our fellow believers, and eventually telling it to the church--particularly if the "offending party" is living in open, rebellious sin that has the potential of inflicting damage to the cause ofChrist.

But then again, the goal is not just discipline, but restoration......RESTORATION---one of the most prominent doctrines of the Bible, from Genesis to Revelation.

Galatians 6:1-3 tells us about restoring those who have fallen/been overtaken. And the clear warning is that we must consider ourselves, lest the same thing happen to us:

1 Brethren, if a man is overtaken in any trespass, you who arespiritual restore such a one in a spirit of gentleness, consideringyourself lest you also be tempted.

2 Bear one another's burdens, and so fulfill the law of Christ.

3 For if anyone thinks himself to be something, when he is nothing,he deceives himself.

That law of Christ is the law of love. And love can be very difficult sometimes, particularly when we all so desperately need to not only show it, but experience it as well.

But, "speaking the truth in love" is also about "motive." I have to ask myself a few questions when I want to "speak the truth" to someone:

A. Will what I have to say edify this brother/sister, or will it crush them?

B. Have I earned the privilege to say what I want to say to this brother/sister in Christ?

C. What is the worst thing that could happen after I've said what I plan to say?

D. Will I be there to help pick up the pieces after I've said what I feel should be communicated to this brother/sister in Christ? Or doI just want to "get it off my chest"?

Honestly, I've had people say things in the last few years that have been very loving, very instructive, and very edifying to me...even though they have been very difficult to hear at first. But those people have always had my very best spiritual interests at heart.

I've also had some, who I thought were dear friends, that were ready to stab me at any given minute...and I was stupid enough to sharpen the knife for them. Lord help me to never be like that. If the point of "speaking the truth" is nothing more than gossip, slander, berating and belittling the other person, making them feel inferior, inadequate or degraded, then it's not "in love" regardless of how truthful it may be.

So how do YOU speak the truth in love?