Confessions: "These inward struggles"...

It seems as though the things that I want to "deny" are the ones that have caused me the greatest struggle in the last few days..weeks, months...okay: YEARS!

1) Not having a biological father in my life--especially when I most needed him.

2) Not being in "full-time ministry" as some folks would label it--even though I believe that God has me where He can best use me right now.

3) Dealing with the heartache and heartbreaks of relationships (none of them romantic in nature) that meant the world to me. Now, those same "relationships" are non-existent. Not sure as to what I could have done to "maintain them."

4) Dealing with the disappointment/heartbreak of people whom I admired who "let me down" and did it in a "big way." These are almost too numerous to mention. These have included spiritual leaders, mentors, and others to whom I looked for counsel and fellowship.

5) Dealing with my own emotional battles, my own purity battles, and my "insecurity" battles..and everyone has them. Someone recently ask, "Do you have any insecurities?" I immediately answered, "Absolutely. We all just depends on what we are insecure about..." So, I am convinced that we all have our "insecurities." And sometimes those insecurities can get us in ALOT of trouble.

As the Apostle Paul called his troubles, "these light afflictions." I don't want to live in "denial"...but I don't want to let my "light afflictions" control my life either.

Can anyone out there relate?

1 comment:

Londyn said...

Please know that you are absolutely not alone. Your struggles are so similar to ones that I have or have had in the past -- some are also similar to some close friends of mine.

I think you seem to have a great openness about and a recognition of your battles - that is half the battle right there. The next battle is learning from those struggles and letting them go by releasing them to Christ -- sounds like you are on that path as well.

Good luck and God bless.