Dealing with "abandonment" issues.

For those of you who may not know me, I want to divulge a small part of my personal history. I was abandoned by my parents, shortly after I was born. My biological mother and father abandoned each other (eventually divorcing) and thus, abandoned me. I was less than a year old.

Even though my wonderful Grandmother Hoover raised me--and did a marvelous job--with lots of help from the "village" I still feel "abandoned" at times.

These feelings/issues/emotions are not constant...but they are recurring, and usually at the most "inconvenient" times. But when is "abandonment" ever a 'convenient' emotion?

In doing a self-analysis, I am beginning to think that my subconscious fear of being "abandoned" is one of the reasons that I've never married, nor even seriously dated (in a long time). It's not that I don't trust anyone--I just don't want to put myself into a place where I could be abandoned again--by anyone.

I've read and am re-reading Gordon Dalby's marvelous book Healing the Masculine Soul realizing that my own soul does need some "serious" healing. The sooner the better.

And when I think about what "abandonment" really is, and all the "issues" involved, it can be pretty overwhelming. Some of the "issues" are intimacy, relationships, finances, stability, productivity, and even spirituality. And I'm beginning to believe that I've not even scratched the surface.

My saving grace is that Christ has promised never to leave us nor forsake us. I can count on that. Even when other people have.

1 comment:

Darrell said...

Phil, I can somewhat relate man. My issue is similar, yet different. My father died when I was 5 and my mother died 6 months later. Within a 2 year window of time, all of my grandparents, my parents and 2 uncles and an aunt all died. I, as well as 2 brother and a sister went to live with one of my older sisters and her family... only to have them divorce a couple of years later, with neither of them taking us in, and we were divided up to live among other family members.
I never realized just how deeply this impacted me until I had "almost" gotten married 3 times (broke off engagments just days before the wedding each time) and then when I did get married, I tried like crazy to walk out of my marriage repeatedly in the first 2 years. It was not until later that I realized that I was leaving before they could leave me.

Thankfully, I found a woman who refused to let me go, and I have grown tremendously over these years. Still, the issue is there. I find myself now scared to death of the reality that my son will be leaving me in about 15 months.

You may be perfectly happy remaining single Phil, and if so, that is good for you. But at the same time, allow me to challenge you to open up yourself to the possibility that someone can love you and will not leave you.