For those of you who may not know me, I want to divulge a small part of my personal history. I was abandoned by my parents, shortly after I was born. My biological mother and father abandoned each other (eventually divorcing) and thus, abandoned me. I was less than a year old.
Even though my wonderful Grandmother Hoover raised me--and did a marvelous job--with lots of help from the "village" I still feel "abandoned" at times.
These feelings/issues/emotions are not constant...but they are recurring, and usually at the most "inconvenient" times. But when is "abandonment" ever a 'convenient' emotion?
In doing a self-analysis, I am beginning to think that my subconscious fear of being "abandoned" is one of the reasons that I've never married, nor even seriously dated (in a long time). It's not that I don't trust anyone--I just don't want to put myself into a place where I could be abandoned again--by anyone.
I've read and am re-reading Gordon Dalby's marvelous book Healing the Masculine Soul realizing that my own soul does need some "serious" healing. The sooner the better.
And when I think about what "abandonment" really is, and all the "issues" involved, it can be pretty overwhelming. Some of the "issues" are intimacy, relationships, finances, stability, productivity, and even spirituality. And I'm beginning to believe that I've not even scratched the surface.
My saving grace is that Christ has promised never to leave us nor forsake us. I can count on that. Even when other people have.