For some crazy reason...

I found this a long time ago...and it's about "colonoscopies"---yes...let all the "butt jokes" begin....
I will always remember the first time I had one...1993....yes, that day lingers in infamy in the analogs of my memory....it was that "memorable." I watched the whole thing actually. Here is another guy's experience:
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I called my friend Andy Sable, a gastroenteritis, to make an appointment for a colonoscopy. A few days later, in his office, Andy showed me a color diagram of the colon, a lengthy organ that appears to go all over the place, at one point passing briefly through Toronto . Then Andy explained the colonoscopy procedure to me in a thorough, reassuring and patient manner. I nodded thoughtfully, but I didn't really hear anything he said, because my brain was shrieking, quote, 'HE'S GOING TO STICK A TUBE 17,000 FEET UP YOUR BEHIND!'

I left Andy's office with some written instructions, and a prescription for a product called 'MoviPrep,' which comes in a box large enough to hold a microwave oven. I will discuss MoviPrep in detail later; for now suffice it to say that we must never allow it to fall into the hands of America 's enemies.

I spent the next several days productively sitting around being nervous. Then, on the day before my colonoscopy, I began my preparation. In accordance with my instructions, I didn't eat any solid food that day; all I had was chicken broth, which is basically water, only with less flavor.

Then, in the evening, I took the MoviPrep. You mix two packets of powder together in a one-liter plastic jug, then you fill it with lukewarm water. (For those unfamiliar with the metric system, a liter is about 32 gallons.) Then you have to drink the whole jug. This takes about an hour, because MoviPrep tastes - and here I am being kind - like a mixture of goat spit and urinal cleanser, with just a hint of lemon.

The instructions for MoviPrep, clearly written by somebody with a great sense of humor, state that after you drink it, 'a loose watery bowel movement may result.' This is kind of like saying that after you jump off your roof, you may experience contact with the ground. MoviPrep is a nuclear laxative. I don't want to be too graphic, here, but: Have you ever seen a space-shuttle launch? This is pretty much the MoviPrep experience, with you as the shuttle. There are times when you wish the commode had a seat belt.

You spend several hours pretty much confined to the bathroom, spurting violently. You eliminate everything. And then, when you figure you must be totally empty, you have to drink another liter of MoviPrep, at which point, as far as I can tell, your bowels travel into the future and start eliminating food that you have not even eaten yet.

After an action-packed evening, I finally got to sleep.

The next morning my wife drove me to the clinic. I was very nervous. Not only was I worried about the procedure, but I had been experiencing occasional return bouts of MoviPrep spurtage.

I was thinking, 'What if I spurt on Andy?' How do you apologize to a friend for something like that? Flowers would not be enough.

At the clinic I had to sign many forms acknowledging that I understood and totally agreed with whatever the heck the forms said. Then they led me to a room full of other colonoscopy people, where I went inside a little curtained space and took off my clothes and put on one of those hospital garments designed by sadist perverts, the kind that, when you put it on, makes you feel even more naked than when you are actually naked.

Then a nurse named Eddie put a little needle in a vein in my left hand. Ordinarily I would have fainted, but Eddie was very good, and I was already lying down. Eddie also told me that some people put vodka in their MoviPrep. At first I was ticked off that I hadn't thought of this, but then I pondered what would happen if you got yourself too tipsy to make it to the bathroom, so you were staggering around in full Fire Hose Mode. You would have no choice but to burn your house.

When everything was ready, Eddie wheeled me into the procedure room, where Andy was waiting with a nurse and an anesthesiologist. I did not see the 17,000-foot tube, but I knew Andy had it hidden around there somewhere. I was seriously nervous at this point.

Andy had me roll over on my left side, and the anesthesiologist began hooking something up to the needle in my hand. There was music playing in the room, and I realized that the song was 'Dancing Queen' by ABBA. I remarked to Andy that, of all the songs that could be playing during this particular procedure, 'Dancing Queen' has to be the least appropriate. 'You want me to turn it up?' said Andy, from somewhere behind me. 'Ha ha,' I said.

And then it was time, the moment I had been dreading for more than a decade. If you are squeamish, prepare yourself, because I am going to tell you, in explicit detail, exactly what it was like.

I have no idea. Really. I slept through it.

One moment, ABBA was yelling 'Dancing Queen, Feel the beat of the tambourine,' and the next moment, I was back in the other room, waking up in a very mellow mood. Andy was looking down at me and asking me how I felt. I felt excellent. I felt even more excellent when Andy told me that It was all over, and that my colon had passed with flying colors.

I have never been prouder of an internal organ.
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And the sad, alarming, and awful truth is that I'm due another "colonoscopy" some time this year...yep, in 2009. I've managed to avoid the "inevitable" long enough. It's really not that bad...just more annoying than anything else. The 'preparation' is far worse than the actual procedure...

I can't remember the exact phrase....

I think it may have been the "paradox of frugality"--mentioned on one of the Sunday morning "news/talk" shows yesterday--and "This Week with George Stephanopolous" in particular. The "Round Table" was discussing the current economic situation(s) here in the United States, and actually around the world.

One of the commentators mentioned something about people learning and living by the "paradox of frugality"--where the consuming public has actually learned (the hard way) the value of saving, and not buying everything in sight, just because they could afford to do so.

The paradox: When people "save their money" and don't spend willy-nilly, then the "economy" tends to take a downturn. Retailers depend on the "consuming public" to do just that: consume.

Maybe, just maybe we have come to a place in our national life that "greed is no longer good." Maybe we have reached that stage in our existence when we actually don't have to own the "latest and greatest" of all the gadgets and gizmoes that are currently "the trend."

Maybe, just maybe the "latest trend" in our "American way of life" is to enjoy living with what we currently have, and even giving some of it away.

Which reminds me of a song (and MOST things remind me of a song) that Bill and Gloria Gaither birthed a few years ago. Here are some of the poignant lines to "Give It Away":

If you want less lonely and a lot more fun
and deep satisfaction when the day is done,
throw your heart wide open and give it away.
If you want more happy than your heart can hold,
if you want to stand taller, if the truth were told,
take whatever you have and give it away."

I remember an illustration from many, many years ago. When you hold a "tightly-clinched fist", no one can take anything out of that fist...and no one can put anything IN it either...

Living life with an open hand, an open heart, and an open mind really does work.

All the "stuff" we have is just that: stuff. Clutter. One more thing to dust, repair, or replace the batteries in ...

So yes, the "paradox of frugality" really is a blessing, when we stop and think about it. There really are two kinds of people in life: givers and takers. I want to be a giver...

God is a giver...

I'm going wild with all these songs...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HpLjfcGords
The Booth Brothers sing one of my very favorite songs by the late (and great) Albert E Brumley...

"Where the charming roses bloom forever
and where separation comes no more...
If we never meet again this side of Heaven
I will meet you on that beautiful shore."

Yes, I still love this song.....

Best I can remember, "Well Done, My Child" was #70 in the redback "Church Hymnal"...or the green hymnal, or the blue hymnal...depending on which one the congregation used.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ET4zGaRu1Yw

Well Done, My child
My Lord will say...
A Crown of Life you've won...

I look forward to that day....

Yes, we will....

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TgLHCT_pats&feature=related
This song really says it all...."He'll guide us with His eye...and we'll follow till we die."

My Uncle Albert...

used to sing this great classic when he was in a a "southern gospel quartet" in the early 1970s...
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gdeYEaKQ9Mk&feature=related

"Swing down, sweet chariot, stop and let me ride..."

Just downright GREAT singing....

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CjJYd-sYRbo&feature=related

"Though hope may be gone
He'll cause you to sing..."

How many years has it been since you've heard "On the Jericho Road"?

Each burden He'll bear
Each sorrow He'll share...

Yes, it is still true.

Another Song about heaven...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=S_EN9d4ZDhs&feature=related
And the prettiest flowers will be blooming
By the prettiest streets our eyes will ever behold
Where the beautiful streams of life for us is waiting
by the prettiest mansions made of purest gold.

And the prettiest robes and crowns we'll all be wearing
In that city foursquare beyond this world of strife.
And the prettiest songs with the angels we'll be singing,
On that beautiful morning by the river of life...
___________________

I remember hearing the wonderful saints of God sing this song of faith and testimony when I was growing up. Precious Sister Brewer (who was my spiritual mother in many ways) would often sing this and tears would pour down her face...as she worshipped and magnified God. That dear saint of God is now rejoicing on the streets of glory...and I miss her so much. Sister Brewer believed in me, loved me, and cared for me in a very, very special way. She came to our house to pray for me when I was 16 years old, and almost died from double pneumonia--and couldn't afford health care (in the mid 1970s). God touched me...and I have lived to testify of His great Healing power!

Yes, Sister Brewer is rejoicing on the avenues of "that city Foursquare"....I look forward to the day when I see her again.

One of those great songs with a message...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9Y2tY7O_NjA

This was filmed in the Citadel of David in Jerusalem...The Gaither Homecoming Friends did a great concert there. Bill insisted the Isaacs sing this great song they had written...and it will make you cry...almost every time.

Think about the "Heroes."

You gotta love this....

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uVGf4xAwGY8

I would love to sing in an all-male ensemble like this...one of those great songs..."I remember the day when the Lord saved me...."

I still believe the greatest instrument on this earth is the human voice...and these guys are using theirs wonderfully well.

The Greatest Song in the English Language...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ejg7haph29w&feature=related
I wrote a paper in my graduate studies, analyzing "When I Survey The Wondrous Cross"--and I can still remember how God profound spoke to me during the research for that paper.

I agree with the theologians and scholars who say this great anthem, written by Isaac Watts more than 200 years ago, is probably the greatest piece of poetry set to music in the English Language....These words grip my heart:

"Were the whole realm of nature mine,
That were a present far too small!
Love, so amazing, so divine,
Demands my life, my soul, my all!"

The first song I can remember singing..about heaven...

I was probably 11 or 12 years old...I sang this great Dottie Rambo classic

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gYMC03-Bo4A
"I see loved ones over yonder
Tears are gone, their hearts are free
And from the Throne, the Savior beckons
and the hills of home keep calling me..."

Like so many of you, I have great investments in that wonderful City Whose Builder and Maker is God. "And I'll take my flight like the mighty eagle, when the hills of home start calling me."

Dottie Rambo took that one-way trip on Mother's Day, 2008. She was on her bus, on the way to a concert in Texas, and the Lord decided that she need to "take a flight" instead...

The longer I live here on this earth, the more my heart yearns to city the New Jerusalem. That City not made with hands...where God's Lamb is the Light...

I'm looking forward to Heaven.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4CUxDmJApKs&feature=related

I remember my Granny Hoover's home church, Shipps Baptist Church in Gurley, Alabama. I had a lot of paternal family members who were part of that congregation. I remember their "monthly Singing" every 4th Saturday night of the month. It was always great!

I also remember when the Summer Revival started on the 4th Sunday of August--with all-day singing, and dinner on the ground....which really was just "all-day dinner" and rightly so.

But one of the great songs from that country church was "When They Ring the Bells of Heaven"...oh how I would love to hear those people sing that wonderful anthem of testimony again!

"That will be a glad homecoming, won't it be grand...
When they ring the bells of heaven on that day!"

Yes, it will be grand. Gloriously, eternally grand!

Whatever happened to these songs?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eNQ4RbfF4jM

The Crimson River Quartet sings some of the great "revival songs" of the American church, in a special concert at Pasadena First Church of the Nazarene. Here a medley of these great classics:

In My Heart There Rings A Melody
He Keeps Me Singing
Standing on the Promises
Leaning on the Everlasting Arms
Victory in Jesus!

Maybe we need to "teach these great truths" to the "contemporary generation"...

As Bill Gaither has said, "these songs should survive--not because they are old--but because they are GREAT...and deserve to live."

Amen, Bill, Amen.

Songs we used to sing...and need to sing again....

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TKS5MgytW54&feature=related

One of the great songs by Haldor Lillenas...

I need to be reminded of this "wonderful grace of Jesus..."

A Song I would love to sing again...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=V4FHIIIeBqc
The late Dottie Rambo could write the most wonderful songs about heaven, eternity, and the hope that every child of God has for the future.

I remember learning this song when I was a young teenager...and it's still true.

"I'm going there to live
When life is over....
On the sunny banks of my home, sweet home."

"The Sweetest Song I Know"

One of those grand old songs of testimony and faith that I learned in my "growing up years."

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hSPjNVpk1HU

Yes, "Amazing Grace" is still the sweetest song I know! Russ Taff, Ben Speer, Mike Allen , Pastor Johnny Minnick, and others really bring this great "standard" back to life...

I've always loved the "southern convention style singing" anyway..and this song brilliantly demonstrates how joyful THAT kind of singing can be...

The Inaugural Prayer...

Here it is:


Almighty God, our Father:
Everything we see, and everything we can’t see, exists because of You alone.
It all comes from You, it all belongs to Y0u, it all exists for Your glory.
History is Your story.
The Scripture tells us, "Hear, O Israel, the LORD is our God, the LORD is one." And You are the compassionate and merciful One. And You are loving to everyone You have made.
Now today we rejoice not only in America’s peaceful transfer of power for the 44th time, we celebrate a hinge point of history with the inauguration of our first African American president of the United States.

We are so grateful to live in this land, a land of unequaled possibility, where a son of an African immigrant can rise to the highest level of our leadership. And we know today that Dr. King and a great cloud of witnesses are shouting in heaven.
Give to our new president, Barack Obama,
the wisdom to lead us with humility,
the courage to lead us with integrity,
the compassion to lead us with generosity.

Bless and protect him, his family, Vice President Biden, the Cabinet, and every one of our freely elected leaders.
Help us, O God, to remember that we are Americans--united not by race or religion or blood, but to our commitment to freedom and justice for all.

When we focus on ourselves, when we fight each other, when we forget You--forgive us.
When we presume that our greatness and our prosperity is ours alone--forgive us.
When we fail to treat our fellow human beings and all the earth with the respect that they deserve--forgive us.

And as we face these difficult days ahead, may we have a new birth of clarity in our aims, responsibility in our actions, humility in our approaches, and civility in our attitudes—even when we differ.

Help us to share, to serve, and to seek the common good of all.

May all people of good will today join together to work for a more just, a more healthy, and a more prosperous nation and a peaceful planet.

And may we never forget that one day, all nations--and all people--will stand accountable before You.

We now commit our new president and his wife, Michelle, and his daughters, Malia and Sasha, into Your loving care.

I humbly ask this in the name of the one who changed my life—Yeshua, 'Isa, Jesus [Spanish pronunciation], Jesus—who taught us to pray:
Our Father, who art in heaven, hallowed be Thy name.
Thy kingdom come, thy will be done, on earth as it is in heaven.
Give us this day our daily bread.
And forgive us our trespasses, as we forgive those who trespass against us.
And lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from evil,
for Thine is the kingdom and the power and the glory forever.
Amen.
_______________________
Many thanks to Justin Taylor (Wheaton, Illinois) for posting this on his blog.

May the God of Heaven and Earth hear and answer this humble prayer.

President Obama, Congratulations!

Dear Mr President,

Today, the history of the United States was forever changed--and for the better! The world is watching at this great democracy engages in the peaceful transition of governmental leaders and the accompanying powers.

Even though I did not vote for you, I will be praying for you. I will be asking God to keep His might hand, and His strong love around you all the time. You will need His help. And you have already acknowledged as much.

You have promised "Change we can believe in..." and now it's "show time" for you! You have nominated a great Cabinet, and you will now have the dreams, hopes, fears, burdens, and aspirations of this great nation upon your shoulders.

Just as your friend, Pastor Rick Warren, said in his prayer, " Almighty God, Everything we see and everything we can't see comes from You....You are the compassionate and merciful One.....we are so grateful to live in this land where the son of an African immigrant can rise to the highest level of power in this nation....Give our president the courage to lead us with integrity, and the compassion to lead us with generosity....when we forget You, forgive us....as we face these difficult days ahead...help us to share, to serve, and to seek the common good of all..."

Mr President, that was a powerful prayer. I am confident the Lord God heard it.

You are bringing hope and encouragement to this great nation. We honor you.

God bless you!

Sitting here, at my desk, wiping tears from my eyes...

I grew up with very little--actually none--of this world's material goods...but I was RICH in the great treasures that really matter: knowing about heaven, knowing that Jesus made the way for me to go there.

This song just says it all for me:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YYsqUEfmS-o&feature=related

We truly are "pilgrims and strangers here" and yes we are "seeking a City to come." I have many, many loved ones in that wonderful City Whose Builder and Maker is God.

One of my readers, Dr Jackie Johns, knows what a precious promise this is to those who love and know Christ. Both of his earthly parents are now in the presence of his Heavenly Father, rejoicing on the streets of glory.

So "cheer, my brother cheer, our trials will soon be o'er."

These "light afflictions" are just that...light...and they will wither in the presence of the Eternal Light...God's Only Son.