"Father" issues.....

I've not posted for a while, and for those of you who like to read SOMETHING TO CONSIDER, I beg your forgiveness.
It's been a tough few weeks for me. The demands of work have been somewhat crazy, and I've not been particularly inspired to write a whole lot anyway.

My parents divorced when I was just a baby. I was later abandoned by both parents, and was rescued by my paternal grandparents. My father never, never played any type of active role in my life...

And thus...the "father" issues. Even though I will be 46 years old in a few days, I still feel like I was robbed...Cheated....abandoned.

Even though I've been a follower of Christ since my earliest years, I've always felt the "emptiness" of not having a "father" who loves me, cherishes me, and deeply cares for me. I know my Heavenly Father does...and that's not really the issue in my life.

I've not seen or had any communication with Bobby Hoover in almost 16 years. The last time I saw his face was at his mother's funeral....the woman who loved and raised me when her son refused to carry out his responsibilities.

I never learned to toss a football, dribble a basketball, or even hit a softball--all things my father should have taught me. I never learned what it would mean to be a "man"---mainly because the "important" men in my life (or those who should have been important in my life) were absentees....dropping in and out at their own convenience.

I'm not sure that I have ever learned what it means to be a "man"...except what I've learned in my military service, my seminary training, and from watching those "men" who have become such important people in my life.

Father's Day is always a hard holiday for me. For a long time I hated it...now I just tolerate it...and keep moving on with life. I've never married, and sometimes I wonder why. I don't know if it was something subconscious that warned me that I would be "no better" than my own parents...but I've never pursued marriage.

So yes, there are "father issues" in my life. But I am glad that my Heavenly Father is nothing like my biological one. And I'm also glad the Heavenly Father has given me lots of "fathers" who care about me, encourage me, instruct me, and love me....


Kevin Bussey said...

Wow Phil,

Sorry for your pain.

Steve Wright said...

Great post Phil. I loving reading your stuff. It always speaks right to the heart. I love you brother.