I'm not sure where I found this one (many years ago), but here it is:
Sixteen Things it took me 46 years to learn:
1. You will never find anyone who can give you a clear and compelling reason why we observe daylight savings time.
2. You should never say anything to a woman that even remotely suggests you think she's pregnant unless you can see an actual baby emerging from her at the moment.
3. The most powerful force in the universe is gossip.
4. The one thing that unites all human beings, regardless of age, gender, religion, economic statusor ethnic background is that, deep down inside, we ALL believe that we are above average drivers.
5. There comes a time when you should stop expecting other people to make a big deal about your birthday.That time is age _____.
6. There is a VERY FINE line between "hobby" and"mental illness."
7. People who want to share their religious views with you almost never want you to share yours with them.
8. If you had to identify, in one word, the reason why the human race has not achieved, and never will achieve, it's full potential, that word would be"MEETINGS."
9. The main accomplishment of almost all organized protests is to annoy people who are not in them.
10. If there really is a God who created the entire universe with all of its glories, and He decides to deliver a message to humanity, He WILL NOT USE, as His messenger, a person on cable TV with a bad hairstyle.
11. You should not confuse your life with your career.
12. A person who is nice to you, but rude to the waiter is NOT a nice person.
13. NO matter what happens, somebody will find a way to take it too seriously.
14. When trouble arises and things look bad, there is always one individual who perceives a solution and is willing to take command. Very often, THAT INDIVIDUAL IS CRAZY.
15. Your friends love you, anyway.
16. Nobody cares if you can't dance well...Just get up and dance.