Sobering News..Father Wounds..

My stepmother, Marie, called me last night. She and I have been very close for a long time. I adore the woman. She is a great mother, a superb grandmother, and just an all-around terrific person.

She and my biological father divorced about 20 years ago, after more than 20 years of marriage. She couldn't take the physical and emotional abuse from him anymore. And I certainly don't blame her.

Her reason for calling me: My biological father has colon cancer, and has less than three months to live.

My biological father, Bobby, abandoned me when I was just a baby, dropping in and out of my life at his own convenience until I was old enough to go to college.

I've not seen him nor heard his voice since 1992--at his mother's funeral. My precious Grandmother Hoover raised me, and did so without any help from either of my parents.

I'm pretty ambivalent about both parents at this stage in my life. I neither love nor hate them. And I'm not sure how I should feel.

Any ideas?


Kevin Bussey said...


That is a tough one. All I know is my wife found some way to forgive her dad and led him to Christ 2 years before he died. I'll be praying for you.

Phil Hoover, Chicago said...

yes, Kevin it is a tough one...for some people. But I'm pretty well decided that I will stay in the place where my biological father placed me: Outside his life.

Getting "into" his life would only cause more heartache for me, more regret for him, and it wouldn't do either of us any good.

M. Steve Heartsill said...

Phil...this one is too tough for me to offer any an answer, because no answer I could give would answer all of the questions...

Just know you will be in my prayers and I know one thing for sure: Your Heavenly Father loves you no matter what!