In Defense of Travis...

My friend in Florida, Pastor Travis Johnson and his lovely wife, Kelly are having an interesting debate/battle/war/intense fellowship--whatever we would want to call it. You can read all about it.

Anywho, someone has posted these "Guys' Rules" that I think are just great. Here they are for your viewing pleasure:

Now here are the rules from the male side. These are our rules! Please note... these are all numbered "1" ON PURPOSE!

1. Men ARE not mind readers.

1. Learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down. We need it up, you need it down. You don't hear us complaining about you leaving it down.

1. Sunday sports. It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be..

1. Shopping is NOT a sport. And no, we are never going to think of it that way.

1. Crying is blackmail.

1. Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one: Subtle hints do not work! Strong hints do not work! Obvious hints do not work! Just say it!

1. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.

1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.

1. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor.

1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 days.

1. If you won't dress like the Victoria's Secret girls, don't expect us to act like soap opera guys.

1. If you think you're fat, you probably are.. Don't ask us.

1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one.

1. You can either ask us to do something or tell us how you want it done, not both. If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.

1. Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during commercials..

1. Christopher Columbus did NOT need directions and neither do we.

1. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings Peach, for example, is a fruit, not a color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is.

1. If it itches, it will be scratched. We do that.

1. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," we will act like nothings wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.

1. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, expect an answer you don't want to hear.

1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear Is fine...Really.

1. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as baseball, the shotgun formation, or golf.

1. You have enough clothes.

1. You have too many shoes.

1. I am in shape. Round IS a shape!

1. Thank you for reading this. Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight; But did you know men really don't mind that? It's like camping.

Priceless...and now you probably have guessed that I'm not married.


John Smulo said...

Phil these are hilarious! I've been having fun watching the Johnson thread as well.

Travis, Kelly, Kourtney, and McKenna Johnson said...

I actually agree with most of these... however, the fat comment and the victoria's secret remark is a little over the top. You don't actually feel that way do you? You are too much of a gentleman for that!

Phil Hoover, Chicago said...

Well, actually NO, I don't agree with or believe the "two remarks in question.."

but overall, the list was hilarious.

And thank you for acknowledging that I am indeed a gentleman.

Joe Misek said...

I've got to say, the very fact that every point was #1 had me laughing hard enough to cough up my insides. That's a great list!

ruthrap said...

i thought it was funny, just thought you might want a females opinion! ha ha

Osho's Pal said...

Phil, I don't mean to be a killjoy on my first comment here, but on #1, don't you mean to emphasize "not" and not "are"? You have what looks to be an interesting blog, I hope you don't mind comments from this here alternative religion follower. I assure you I am not here to put down evangelical Christians.