One very interesting discussion..last night...

My roommate (Joshua) leads a small-group Bible study on Tuesday evenings. He always comes in late, and I'm almost always in bed asleep when he arrives.

This morning, he was telling me about part of the discussion last night, after the study. Some of the girls in the groups were whining about "relationships"...and particularly how "men" just aren't "leaders"--and if they were, that women would be falling all over them.

And I very kindly and candidly reminded Josh that these "know-it-all" chicks are about 99% wrong in their assumptions, accusations and evaluations of single men.

Of course, I've heard it all before:

"We just want you men to be 'leaders'".....and?

So my question would be, "Hey sister, where do you want us to lead you?"

"We just want you to be spiritual leaders in all the relationships..."

Oh, is that so? Or is the truth that you want us to "be just like" your dad, your uncle, your favorite pastor, or someone else whom you idolize?

I've got a question or two for these "inquiring" women who want men to be "leaders":

First, how can you (an imperfect, fallible human being) expect flawless infallibility out of anyone and particularly out of a single man? You have your "issues" and yet you want us to "lead you" somewhere that you probably aren't willing to go?

Second, how happy are you with yourself and your other "non-male" relationships? Are you expecting a "relationship" with a man to satisfy every longing in your heart?

Finally, how realistic are your expectations in any relationship? If one man had the riches of Donald Trump, the spiritual walk of Billy Graham, the looks of Tom Cruise, the intelligence of Einstein, and the romantic ability of Cary Grant---would you be satisfied?

Of course, we all know the answers to those questions.

So, yes, as a single man I am concerned about the quality of all my relationships. But I also realize that God doesn't not want me to "find the right person" as much as He wants me to "be the right person."

And there is a difference. A very strong difference.


Kevin Bussey said...

Spiritual Leadership by Henry and Richard Blackaby:

"Moving People onto God's Agenda"

And my favorite quote:

"God isn't looking for those who are committed to Him, He wants those who are submitted to Him."

Bob Cleveland said...

Hi Phil. Thanks for the comment on my blog.

Question: what if those girls were sincere? There's a chance, I suppose. And, what they say, if honest, is correct biblically.

We're that way with God. We want to be like Jesus, but that includes His experience on the cross, and we'd rather not hang from nails. It includes treating everyone lovingly (and I think He did treat the pharisees that way when He called them snakes and painted tombs, as they needed to know that) even when they're not lovable.

Having someone tell you they want leadership and then rebelling against it is ok. I don't know of any "pre-emptive strikes" on Jesus' part, and He knew better what was coming than anyone.

Incidentally I was born 5/12/1938 in South Shore Hospital and lived to age 15 in Calumet City. We moved to Indianapolis then. I recall that as though it were yesterday.

Anyhoo .. thanks for the comment on the blog. For myself and on behalf of Shanna and her family.

PS .. On yes ... I've disliked the term "committed" for years. Submitted is better, but what Jesus really wants is "surrendered".

Phil Hoover, Chicago said...

And while I agree with both of you, I believe another "agenda" was in play here.

And it wasn't a spiritual one either.

Joe Misek said...

Too few single adults realize that the Scriptures teach a balance between submission and leadership. There's a level of equality in the relationship ("Submit to one another"), and at the same time, the Bible says that the man is the head of the woman, just as Christ is the head of the church. Basically, those who generalize, as I suspect those ladies were doing, are unintentionally subscribing to one extreme or the other. The beautiful thing about God is that He is a God of balance between theological extremes, probably so that none of us can get a big head or have unrealistic expectations of others.