Tacky Questions....

The tackiest question that I think I've ever been asked is:

Well, Phil, why aren't you married yet? My Grandmother Fields (whom I love dearly) has always been the chief offender, until I put the Kabosh on it a few years ago.

This question is SO tacky that I've come up with several brilliant (well, at least to me, they are) responses to those insensitive--well maybe that's a bit strong--those people who insist on asking the question anyway:

1) I'm college educated, employed, a good cook, a good musician, a good author, and I intimidate every girl I'm around.

2) Well, friend, have you been praying for God to send me a life partner? OOH, why not?

3) I have traveled the world in the last 20 years, and no woman likes jet-lag.

4) Well, it's not been very important to me, so why is it that important to you?

5) You would actually want the possibility of having more people like ME here on this earth?

6) I've not found the right one: the right bank account, the right career lady, and the right retirement location that SHE can afford for me.

And my all time favorite:

I'm too cold to hold, and too hot to handle....

So, there you have it.

So why should I be married any time soon?

What say ye?

3 comments:

Kevin Bussey said...

How about you haven't found anyone prettier than you! :)

Joe Misek said...

I was having lunch with two female coworkers a few months ago and they were giving me ribs about not being married, and I'm only 26. The waitress came by at the end of our meal and asked if there was anything else she could get us. One coworker said, "We're just trying to find him a wife." The waitress said, "Not on the menu." I didn't think she was cute anyway.

Mark Wilson said...

Joe, hehehehe.

Phil, great post!